Things to say when you want to break up with someone

It’s not you, it’s your taste in music.
It’s not you, it’s your blog.
You stole my heart how am I expected to trust you now?
My mom grounded me and is making me delete my neopets account.
I’m going on a top secret government mission and have to go under cover for a few years.
*submits own obituary to the newspaper*
I have to go to the bathroom. *never comes back*
*text message* Its over. My Facebook relationship status is now single.
You ate the last cookie.
I’m sorry but I’m in love with the man in the mirror.
You used your instead of you’re.
I have to get off the computer.